by - My daughter asked me to be in the delivery room with her before the birth of my first grandchild.
- I was excited, but I was also worried about transferring.
- I made sure she knew I was there to support her, but did not weigh decisions.
“I would like you to be there with me.”
There? Like there, in the delivery room?
I had many responsibilities everywhere My daughter’s pregnancy. I hide the news in the early days. I loved any name suggestion. I told my birth stories again when asked. I have planned a baby shower. I accepted that the times changed and prior comments with: “I don’t know if they still do it like that …” When she invited me to support her during delivery, I naturally agreed. I would experience the birth of my first grandchild!
I was worried about my role and didn’t want to switch
Immediately the second councils began. Yes, I had given birth three times, but I had no medical experience. What if I became squeamish and had more trouble than help? Could I be a reassuring presence, or could I just annoy her? What about everyone? How did my son -in -law felt to take me for the ride? What about his mother, another first grandmother – Would she feel that she was being excluded?
Prospective parents will receive videos, lessons and tours. I didn’t get much more than the invitation and an overview of how she hoped that work would happen. If I had to do it again, I would ask more questions. What do you see doing me to help you? When will I be there? Early work? Active work? Delivery? Can I do something for your return home? Cooking a meal? Beautiful? Call people? Just like the prospective parents one Extensive birth planI think I needed a more extensive Nanny plan.
My oppas plan was as follows: (1) they would call if it was time, and (2) I would come to the birth center. Furthermore, I did not know what else I could expect. My most important pre-work action was reassuring that no decision was written in stone.
If she changed thoughts while I made the hour to the birth center, it was ok. If she decided she wanted me in the waiting room, but not the delivery roomThat was okay. If she wanted me with her during the birth, but at one point it wanted it only she and her husband, it was okay. If she wanted me, then I didn’t want me not wanted, I wanted to go back, that was okay. Emotions change quickly during the trip to birth, and I wanted her to know she was not locked up in a decision because she was worried about my expectations. My nanny plan was to be what she wanted.
My biggest task was to support my daughter
D-Day finally arrived. As a mother, my instinct was to take the lead. I fought that instinct with every bit of strength in me and reminded myself that this was not my experience. On the list of decision makers I was at the very bottom. My job was to be a supporter, not a leader. I was like the second string Quarterback for action but hanging back until the coach told me that I was needed.
I did small things. I told my daughter that she was doing great and I told my son -in -law that he was doing well too. I was in charge of water. I pushed the hair off her face. I filled in and rubbed her back when my son -in -law left the room briefly. Sometimes I just had to be there when she said, “Mom?”
Maybe the most important things I didn’t do were. I have not weighed on decisions unless requested. I didn’t even show that I should be the one to stay when only one support person was allowed. I was not there for every minute, on my way to the waiting room or a nearby restaurant to give it alone for some time.
Although I stayed at the edges of the promotion, I would not exchange this experience. I had the opportunity to witness the power of my daughter and son -in -law, especially when the Birth plan was thrown out of the window. Their ability to adjust gave me a look at the parents they would soon be. They were a team and I felt honored to see this personal part of their relationship.
My own experiences with the birth are muted over time. I wish someone told me that support your child by birth – The person you strived to protect a lifetime – was a hundred times harder than giving birth. Like most mothers, I would like to have hired her pain, but instead I could only tell her that I had faith in her. The same thing I had said since I became a mother: “You can do it.”
After birth I hurt to keep my most beautiful grandson in my arms. Instead, I said, “I’m going to make you a family together.” And they did.